Who Should I Marry? Two Resources to Help in the Struggle

This title comes from a booklet called, "Whom Shall I Marry?" published by the Banner of Truth Trust and available here to order.

With all the commotion around Christian circles today about singleness, dating and marriage, I thought I'd check out this booklet. Personally, I think a lot of the singleness/dating/marriage talk and books flowing through Evangelical circles are somewhat ridiculous. There is a certain point where you can talk about certain subjects too much (of course not including the gospel, which can never be spoken too much, yet I've been accused of that). Nevertheless, it still is an important subject and shouldn't be ignored.

I have been unmarried my entire adult life, which is going on seven years (if you consider age 18 to be adulthood). That means that I have had some time to wrestle with thoughts on this issue, (just as those close to my age can very aptly understand). People often ask me, "Why don't you have a girlfriend?" or "Are you looking for anyone?" and other similar questions. My most recent answers have been like this: "When Abraham sent his servant to get a wife for Isaac, the one thing he made his servant swear to do was not to get a wife for his son from the Canaanite daughters." (Genesis 24:3). There is one crucial thing for a Christian when considering marriage, and that is marrying "only in the Lord" (marrying only a like-minded believer - 1 Corinthians 7:39). The Canaanite women proved to be a disaster to every saint who ever messed with them (just remember Solomon who was the wisest guy, yet even he stumbled in this area).

The starting point of the booklet is a much needed reminder that we are not our own, but were bought with a price (1 Corinthians 6:20; 7:23). We belong to God, and as His temple, we are to be holy and honor God with our bodies. This should be at the center of our thinking when choosing what to do about marrage. I especially like what 1 Peter 1:18-19 tells us about being bought with the precious blood of Christ. That kind of love deserves our whole-hearted devotion to Him who first loved us.

Well, the booklet does a great job at explaining this familiar concept in a positive way as well as in the negative. It talks about why Christians must not marry unbelievers and gives a lot of good reasons for it, which I don't have time to list. One of them being that unbelievers are the enemies of Christ.

It keeps at the center of the message the truth that God is a benevolent Father who knows what our greatest needs are and how to provide for His children best (Matthew 7:11). It also offers some helpful advice, such as this: "In seeking a marriage partner, the first rule to observe is: 'Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness' (Matthew 6:33)." I would recommend this resource to any single Christian friend thinking about what kind of person is acceptable to consider marrying. I really don't think there is anything too legalistic in it, (such as I've found in some of the other books I've read on Christian single male/female relationships). I wish I could say more, but my lunch break time is running out. :º

While I'm at it, I also want to list one of my favorite resources I ever found on this topic, which is a message by Mark Dever at a Desiring God conference called, "Christian Hedonists or Religious Prudes? The Puritans on Sex." I really think the Puritans understood more than we do all the trials and temptations surrounding this subject. If you have an hour to listen, or download it and listen in the car, etc. This one is really worth your time.

That's all for now, and may God's magnificent grace through Christ be your glory.

Related Posts:
Who Should I Marry? part 2
Is God's Grace Sufficient?

Moving On To Maturity or Leaving The Gospel Behind?

There are a lot of times when we need to get real and grow up... and stop acting like children (Hebrews 5:11-12,13-14, 6:1-2). In America, the tendency can be to remain childish and stupid, and that makes you a better person (as long as you are 'loving') than those grown up mature *#%jerks. It is foolish to never learn to tell the difference between what is good for you and what will kill you. Such knowledge requires some level of maturity and experience.

However, when it comes to one thing, we must never move on. That is the one thing people sometimes will tempt us to leave, saying, "I've heard enough about the gospel and all that... I just feel it's time to move on to something deeper."

Colossians 1:21-22,23 reminds us to be stable, steadfast and not shifting from the hope of the gospel that you heard. Galatians 1:6-7,8-9 strongly warns with a curse against being led away from the one and only gospel of the grace of Christ. There is no other subject we should hold to more tightly than the good news that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners... (1 Timothy 1:15).

I was reminded again this morning as I read Galatians chapter one, of how important it is to hold firmly to the true grace of Christ without moving. By the mighty power of God through His Holy Spirit, we who are saved must and will do so to the end.

Related Posts:
Justified by Grace
Full of Grace
Hell and Grace

Grace Abounding: Rejection is Good

Last night, Matt and I hit the streets of York again. This time, it seemed people were walking around all over the place for such a small downtown city area. We gave away some tracts, talked with a few people about why the gospel is good news, again using Romans 5:6 as our text. Although a few people were open, most rejected us. I am used to getting rejected, and it is good for me to not always have huge success in witnessing, because it reminds me that 1) people are lost without the power of God's grace, 2) people are naturally enemies of Christ, 3) Jesus promised we would not be liked, 4) it keeps my heart from resting in this world, 5) it makes prayer a necessity. We did pray afterward for some of the people we met. We also prayed that the Lord would drive away all the religious demons in that city, and that people's hearts would be opened to the good news. Man-made religion seems to make hearts twice as hard as they normally are, and that seems to be the case often in York.

There are probably more reasons why rejection is good for me. It makes me laugh to think of what Bob says in Pittsburgh, "The Lord knew we needed the rejection today." Praise God! I'm looking forward to seeing answered prayers! Yesterday I was simply praising God that He always hears my prayers and that He answers me in supernatural ways. To me, that is just amazing, because I do not feel like one worthy of the same experiences as those in the Bible, but that is what we are - supernatural children. That is also one of the privileges of being a child of God by grace through faith in Christ (1 John 5:14-15).

Remembering God's Purposes for Suffering

John Piper wrote today on the Desiring God blog about five purposes God has in the suffering of Christians. You can read it here: Preparing for Sudden Suffering.

The five purposes he listed were like these:

1) a call to repentance (Luke 13:5)

2) a call to trust God (2 Corinthians 1:9)

3) as Fatherly discipline in order to share in His holiness (Hebrews 12:6,10-11)

4) to work for us a greater reward in heaven (2 Corinthians 4:17; Matthew 5:11-12)

5) to remind us of why Jesus came to suffer (Philippians 3:10; Mark 10:45)

How Have Your Trials Produced Hope?

I recently watched a video by Voice of the Martyrs with my teen Bible study group. It told the stories of Christians who had been severely persecuted in countries around the world. Jesus promised that Christians would have it rough in this world. In fact, He said:

"If the world hates you, know that it hated me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. Remember the word that I said to you: 'A servant is not greater than his master.' If they persecuted me, they will also persecute you. If they kept my word, they will also keep yours." (John 15:18-21 ESV).

Many of us live in countries where persecution is much less severe than in places like Orissa, India (right now), or Pakistan. However, does that mean we are excused from the world's hatred in our more free countries? How have you, or someone you know, experienced suffering as a Christian? Has there been pressure on you to deny the truth since you became a Christian? How has your faith been tested, and how has that produced hope in Christ? (Romans 5:3-4; Philippians 1:29).

This post is also highly related to these:

Romans Chapter 5, part 1 (on As It Is Written)

Hope Does Not Disappoint

Persecuted Christians in India

Hope Does Not Disappoint

This is a passage from my Bible study over on As It Is Written. I thought I'd post it here for encouragement to anyone who does not read my Bible studies. I hope you enjoy!

(On Romans 5:1-5)

Romans 5:4... What is the third thing sufferings produce? Or, what does tested character produce? Character produces hope. Hope is a really good thing. It means to be waiting with expectation. When I was studying this word in the Bible, I thought of this example for hope: The Bible's definition of hope is similar to the feeling you get when you know it is sure your team is going to win. You are watching a football game, or playing soccer or something else, and everything is intense, then the time starts running out, and your team does something like scores or whatever, and you realize it's all over. The game is over - your team is going to win and now it is just a matter of time until it ends. And you begin to rejoice, even jump for joy, because you know it's finished. You know what the outcome is going to be, and so you are filled with hopeful expectation. That is the idea we get here. Suffering produces endurance in the justified believer's life, which produces tested proven character, which produces joyful hope.

Verse 5
and hope does not put us to shame because the love of God has been
poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given
to us.

What does hope not do for us? Hope does not put us to shame. The NASB says, "and hope does not disappoint." Verse 5 is the climax of all the spiritual blessings listed in Romans 5:1-5. Hope, which means "waiting in expectation" does not leave the justified ashamed or disappointed. Why not? How could someone have hope, and then end up disappointed or put to shame? Proverbs 13:12 says, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life."

...Now, we are reading here that while Christians may suffer extremely in this life, and we are promised that it will be so, nevertheless, this hope will not be deferred, it will be fulfilled. Christians may die, yet Christ, who is our hope, will return and will raise the dead. And this is how we know our hope will be fulfilled, because it says, "the love of God has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." I have often thought, how could I ever doubt God's love? How can I doubt His love when He has given me everything? He gave His Son, as we will see in verse 6, and He gave me His Holy Spirit to be in me and with me. Through the Holy Spirit, God has poured out His love into the hearts of those of us who are justified. The Holy Spirit is given as a down payment, or as an engagement ring. He is the seal of God's promise that He will save those who are justified by faith. This love of God is poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit. So if you have the Holy Spirit, then God's love has been poured into your hearts through Him and you have this hope that will never put you to shame, because it will be fulfilled!

Hope really does produce joy, and that is what I was attempting to show throughout the study of this section of Romans. To read the entire article and get the context of the lesson on hope, click here.

Grace, peace and love to all who hope in God through Jesus. (Romans 5:11).
Here is a song I found on UTube by Sarah Groves. I think it relates big time to hope, because it convicted me to look forward to the promise of God instead of back to "Egypt."

Grace Abounding: Love is the Motivation

Love was manifest (made clear) to us in the gift of Christ Jesus our Lord, who died for us while we were still His enemies (Romans 5:6,10). God is love (1 John 4:8,16). Love comes from God (1 John 4:7), and those who love have been born of God and know God (1 John 4:7-8). In fact, our faith works through love (Galatians 5:6). In other words, we are saved because of God's love for us, our love for God and for one another comes from Him, and all the works of faith are worked through love. As my grandmother likes to say, "Love is the key."

So why am I saying all this? "Don't we already know it?" Well, because when I drove through the city of York today, I was praying for God's love to work in me to love the people. I met my friend, Matt, in the square. We stood there for about 5 seconds when we met a guy carrying a motorcycle helmet who said he didn't believe in God. I talked with him for about 10-15 minutes, appealing to the fact that he knew when he was a child that there was a God, and that he was afraid of dying (I said it all in a gracious manner). We talked a little about Creation and the Fall in Genesis, but my main focus was testifying to God's love shown in that He loved me while I was a self-righteous religious hypocrite and an enemy of God when He reconciled me by grace. This guy at first didn't look like he wanted to talk, but he ended by thanking me and accepting a small gospel of John. I ended by pointing him to Jesus and saying, "You cannot believe, because faith is a gift that God must give." (See Ephesians 2:8). He agreed with that statement more than anything, and perhaps he will read that gospel of John (See John 20:31).

The next person we met was Brad. He was in his early twenties and is white. He lives in the city and told me some guys on one street threatened him with a gun. He seemed a little stressed out. I thought he probably had a mental illness, and he told me he is bi-polar and had been praying because of his suicidal thoughts. We went to McDonald's to sit down and talk. While we were there, one of the older black women said he was her neighbor. She sees me come in every week, so I think they are opening up a little. We sat down and talked about our health conditions and our outward vices, each of us sharing similar but different problems, then we talked about the ROOT of the problem - SIN. I kept pointing Brad to Christ as the answer, and he said, "He's the root killer!" I said, "Yeah, He killed our sin root problem in His own body when He was crucified." Brad wanted our phone numbers, so perhaps he will meet with us again. He said God meant for us to meet today. (Of course, a lot more was said concerning the gospel in these conversations, but I cannot write it all. My main text was Romans 5:6,8,10).

Last of all, as Matt left, I was at the cross walk, and there were a group of Hispanic Christians preaching in the Square from a loudspeaker. They had a bunch of people from their own church standing around with tracks. It was all in Spanish, so I couldn't understand what they were saying, except for, "A Su nombre Gloria!" ("Glory to His name!" I'm not sure if I worded that right?). There was a girl standing at the cross walk, so I handed her a gospel tract and asked her some questions. I will call her "Luella," because I couldn't pronounce her name in Spanish. She had an accent, and as we talked she said she had been here for 9 years, so I asked where she was from, and she said from the Dominican Republic. So I said, "I have a friend who lives there!" (I hope you don't mind me mentioning you, Rita? Rita's blog is New Human Life). I said what I always say in Spanish, "Tiene un Biblia?" (Do you have a Bible?) She pointed to her purse. Then before I left, I mentioned, "La salvacion es por la gracia de Dios... no por obras." And I explained that in english, that it is the gift of God by grace that we are saved, and not by our works.

I left feeling joyful, because God answered my prayers. I also saw Charles, my homeless friend, and Smitty, who always asks me for things now at McDonalds. I don't have the love apart from God's grace working it in me through Christ, but God called me to evangelism, and I am so thankful that He raised up Matt as my fellow worker in the field. Usually I don't like to go alone. I share all this to encourage you all in your prayers and love toward the perishing. I order a lot of good resources to give to people from these places:
www.mountzion.org (Tracts and booklets - "The Poor Huckster" and "Greasy the Robber" are classic stories to give to those interested).
www.wtsbooks.com (inexpensive Bibles and pocket NT's in ESV).
www.ibsdirect.com (gospel of John in English and Spanish, and sometimes other languages).

This is grace abounding from York to Gap, Pennsylvania. Grace to you (Ephesians 6:24).
(Please also listen to these songs: "Why?" and "Love Crucified")

The Gospel is About Love

Romans 5:8
"but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

This is God's love: The Son of God died on a tree in place of me (1 John 4:9-10). The Son of God gave his life in exchange for mine. The Son of God experienced His Father's judgment and wrath instead of me. Love... Love that is out of this world. Love from God while I was still a sinner (ungodly, under God's wrath, an enemy of God - Romans 5:6,8,9,10), Christ died for me. That is love, and that is the good news.

It had nothing to do with my decision either, because God decided to love me in this way without consulting me. If the LORD had said to me, "What do you think if I send my Son, and have Him die instead of you?" I probably would have said, "No! I'll pay for my own sin. Thank you." But God didn't ask me, instead, He sent Christ into the world as a baby, and the Lord Jesus arrested my heart with His love (Galatians 2:20; Revelation 1:5-6).

"For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life." (Romans 5:10 ESV).

This is good news of great joy (Luke 2:10) and it is worth preaching (proclaiming) to the world!

Grace, peace and love to all who treasure Jesus with lasting joy.

Foolish Wisdom

This guy's (Michael Card's) songs really touched me today. Thank you, LORD! See 1 Corinthians 1:18-25, and watch the reffer tag it! :P


After you listen to this song, go next to the one called "Why", very moving.

Faith

This is a repost on Faith, which I wrote before on my other blog months ago, but I thought I could use the reminder, so I'm posting it again here. (Also, if any are interested, check out the new reftagger info on my last post. You may like it? Also, please pray for me as I study Romans 5:1-11 this week/weekend. This is such an important passage, and those I'm teaching are so important to me as well. Thanks, grace to all looking to Jesus!).

"By faith Moses, when he was grown up, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh's daughter, choosing rather to be mistreated with the people of God than to enjoy the fleeting pleasures of sin. He considered the reproach of Christ greater wealth than the treasures of Egypt, for he was looking to the reward." (Hebrews 11:24-26 ESV).

Faith is a strange and alien thing to a blind and fallen world. Faith sees Christ as worth the cost of separation, mistreatment, reproach, and loss of worldly wealth here and now, for something far more rewarding in the future. To the eye of faith, Christ is worth it. No faith is like no sight - it sees no worth in Christ as the only true and lasting treasure.

"But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having my own righteousness that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith..." (Philippians 3:7-9 ESV).

Oh Lord, grant me such faith, and let all those who hope in you rejoice! Amen.

New Stuff: Logos Reftagger

I received an email the other day about adding the "reftagger" to my blog for Bible verse references. Reftagger is free from Logos Bible Software. I've seen other blogs and websites using it, but had no clue how to get it for myself until Dan, from Logos, emailed this info to me. I really appreciated it, so I am now doing what he suggested and spreading the news. Check it out for yourself. (I have also rearranged some things on my sidebar, don't know if anyone notices or not, so just thought I'd mention it anyway).

Here is most of what the email said:

Just in case you're interested, you can add it to your blog for free.

You watch how it works and then get the code here: http://www.logos.com/reftagger

There are already almost 2,000 Christian blogs using it. If you like it go ahead and put it on your site. It is really easy to add. Then if you want to help spread the word write a blog post about it! ?

...and if you want to link to the best Bible Software in the world, just add a link in the layout section.

Here are some links you might want to add:

Logos Bible Software Blog http://blog.logos.com

Bible Study http://www.logos.com

I hope you like the Bible reference tagger, it will work automatically for your blog once you add it. It will make every Bible reference you type from now on automatically linked, and it will also take any Bible reference you typed on any old posts and automatically link that too!

If you want a tutorial on how to add it to blogger, go to the post here:
http://blog.logos.com/archives/2008/06/adding_reftagger_to_a_blogger_blog.html

Here's an example of how it works (I took out the Bible quotes and left only the verse references):

"III. Who are they that are to be saved by grace?
I COME now to the third particular, namely, to shew you who they are that are to be saved by grace.
1. Not the self-righteous; not they that have no need of the physician: The whole have no need of the physician, said Christ (Mark 2:17). And again, ( Luke 1:53)."

- John Bunyan, Saved by Grace (Old Gospel Paths Press), pg. 36.

Teth

[a photo from my first apartment in Pittsburgh]

Those were the new old days...

times when bright sunlight

cleared away the haze;

time for future days

never to be the same.

~ Penn 9/08

Here is my next section of Psalm 119 I memorized. I am slowly moving forward, and badly in need of some review time:

Teth
You have dealt well with your servant,
O LORD, according to your word.
Teach me good judgment and knowledge,
for I believe in your commandments.
Before I was afflicted I went astray,
but now I keep your word.
You are good and do good;
teach me your statutes!
The insolent smear me with lies,
but with all my heart I keep your precepts;
their heart is unfeeling like fat,
but I delight in your law.
It is good for me that I was afflicted,
that I might learn your statutes.
The law of your mouth is more to me
than thousands of gold and silver pieces.

How true are these words to a quickened spirit! I was once dead to the love of God's Word. I could fake it, but I couldn't say truthfully, "The law of your mouth is more to me than thousands of gold and silver pieces." I know that for me, it was good that I was afflicted... how about for you? I can remember standing in my college apartment, after all I had was cleared out and thrown away as a mistake except for the things I had brought with me from home and my radio, and thinking, "God did this." I remember saying this, "It was good for me that I was afflicted, that I might learn your statutes."